I saw a friend of mine being told to "Act Their Age" and man oh man did it make me wince. I had to think about why it gave me such a twinge, so I pondered the concept of "Acting One's Age" for a bit. What exactly is that...and by whom's measure? What is one's age and what constitutes appropriate behavior to be associated with same?
Society...let's think about what society *IS* first. Society in my current town of residence, Nashua, NH, is demonstrably a different experience and available pool of judgement than say, Los Angeles, California or Omaha, Nebraska. That being said, it is certainly more similar to those than it is to Mumbai, India or Chiang Mai, Thailand or Nairobi, Kenya. How is a 44 year old (my friend's age) assessed to be "Acting Their Age" in any of those latter mentioned cities? I would hazard a confident guess it is assessed considerably differently betwixt each of them, let alone them and here.
Therefore, "Acting One's Age" to me, is a result of judgement...judgement by the society you are customarily involved with, of how well your behavior measures-up to current societal norms. Now, what does your age have to do with your society's expectations of your behavior? I would say, your life experience at the current measure of your days of existence *should* result, according to established societal standards, in you having achieved certain goals and benchmarks, within a societally acceptable margin, that further would produce certain expected behavioral patterns. In other words, if one is "Acting Their Age", they are being predictable, and predictable behavior is easier to judge the resulting likely performance of, isn't it?
Now everyone judges...I judge, even though I say I never judge anyone. Well of course I do, it's instinct. It's what keeps you alive...keeps you away from those posing a clear & present threat to your well-being. What I *should* be saying rather than" I never judge anyone" is "I don't impose my assessment upon them, of their performance in any given area, unless it is requested. And what's more, I try not to treat them unusually due to that assessment, except in cases where my assessment of them indicates to me they pose an imminent threat". My version of "Who am I to judge?"...
Let's take the judgement & assessment thoughts another direction. I recently met a lady, just adorable and thin and cute as a button...who had lost a couple of hundred+ pounds. My heart sank for her when she shared this info. My having lost 60-something, I have a taste, BUT...we're talking the difference between zipping through a 5k or running a marathon...uphill...in the rain...and it's 90 degrees. We're also talking the difference in what the before and after experiences were like. Mine...yeah I was round, but I was still the kinda-cute chubby dude, still got mild interest from the opposite sex and was still taken as just one of the dudes by my peers. She on the other hand....got to face the kind of sickening reality we all know. When you see a person that big, at least in my case, I can't help but think "OMG you poor thing, that just must be awful...you look like you can barely move", etc. And I would guess my assessment is among the more sympathetic. What hit me even more was her describing her feelings since AFTER losing all the weight...how attention being paid to her is so different, by members of both sexes, and how in a way it makes her sad sometimes.
At the end of the day it's all Darwin...survival of the fittest. Why we judge and assess...it's ingrained in each of us....to protect ourselves, our offspring, our nuts and berries we collected...to choose a mate that's likely to give us the most and healthiest offspring...this is all back to the monkeys stuff. Wouldn't it be nice if we evolved somehow to the true "O Great Spirit Grant that I not judge my brother Until I have walked a mile In his moccasins."? Perhaps to somehow be able to take into consideration someone's life experiences and physical challenges prior to processing our assessment and passing judgement on them? Perhaps then my friend would have been advised to "Act His Experiences"...
No comments:
Post a Comment