My Arms Hurt...

   My Arms Hurt...off and on, pretty much all the time.  I read a profile saying something to that effect from a girl that does crossfit "to the level of addiction", as she put it.  So why do I choose this as my first "official" post to my blog? Cuz (I'm going to use the neo-word "cuz" a lot, get over it) I could identify with what she was saying.  Both regarding the pain, and the potential addiction. I've proven time and time again in my life I have a very addictive personality...I am the veritable chimpanzee on the sugar tap.  I started seriously working out just a shade over a year ago, and it did amazing things for my body. I'm forty-fuckin-six after all...and not like I was jogging a couple miles a week or day or anything in my 30's, my workouts came 12 ounces at a time and breaking the ice trays for my mixed drinks hahaha, uggh. Oh wait, I carried 30-packs, does that count?  
   Nevertheless...do I have concern that my "fitness routine" might be a new addiction? Absolutely...but God knows I could certainly have worse things to be hooked on. The truth is...it does more for my mind than my body. Every morning, I hit this moment about 5 minutes into it, where I feel this strength come over me...and I don't mean I Hulk-up physically...it's in my mind.  It's this moment where I know what is about to happen the next 20 minutes...I know which ones hurt, which ones don't, which are exhausting, which aren't.  Minor variations due to little injuries - and then I plow through it. Same thing at night after work...sometimes I HATE the idea, but by 5 mins in, I feel "me" come back, my clarity returns.
   It's not all ugly either...some parts are beautiful. The lifting is the anger, the grunt part, the swinging of the 30lb weight like its a sledge hammer. But then I do a yoga-like routine on tip-toes with squats swinging a dumbell smoothly above my head and behind, then back down. My "Rocky" situps have become slow & sensual...all the way back til my head touches the floor, all the way up til my fingers touch my toes...50 times...twice a day. My leg lifts, I break in the fetal position between sets...and do kegels. Its really sensual...the whole of the two parts puts me in touch with my core, my sexuality, and where they all connect. 
  So is this about addiction?  Or empowerment?  Maybe both to some degree?  Perhaps...