What I Am In The Present...

Been some time since I have posted...had a wonderful couple of months enjoying summer, wonderful company, and pondering.  

Summer:
The first in more years than I would be comfortable to count that I have spent so much time in the sun, in lakes, in the ocean....just breathing and taking it all in.  No particular goals...just being present...it was beautiful.

Wonderful Company:
We are each directly reflective of those with whom we choose to share the majority of our time...the unique easy calm and beauty of the lady I spent my summer with is a pleasure to experience.  I realized just the other day how calm I was...and happy... just plain happiness...the state of which was not needing to be deeply examined.

Pondering:
My life and existence have changed demonstrably in the past 18 months...it almost makes me shudder to think it has nearly been that long, while at the same time seems longer occasionally.  Massive change takes time to accept...to grow into...whether you were the initiator of said change or not.  In the process of leveling off to the "new normal", one makes choices...and dips their toes in the water of various pools...somewhat like feeling around in the dark. You get in some pools that seem right at the time, find yourself feeling things that you just aren't comfortable with, and are faced with a choice that you damn sure better think through clearly:  Am I about to fall into old habits again?  When you were so well domesticated as I...those old habits can come back masquerading as change...but then reveal themselves as those old comfortable tendencies that you swore never to allow their drain on your life force again. It's fascinating, really, if you are fortunate enough to be of a clear mind and observe yourself immersed in it. The vortex of interpersonal interaction...

So on to the next days....what shall they hold? I can only hope more clarity...it is nice to finally genuinely feel like I have some...